Dumpster Fires

(Pyrodumpstericus Canadiens, et al...)

A majestic specimen of the Canadian dumpster fire, pyrodumstericus canadiens, rests for a moment in the Great Northern Wasteland just before dawn.

It would be difficult to overstate the importance of the work I've done with respect to advancing our understanding of dumpster fires. When I started researching dumpster fires, it was commonly believed corporate disasters were the consequence of hubris, mismanagement, poor planning, hackers, or even incompetence. Thanks to the work I've done studying dumpster fires, we now know that:

  1. Complete elimination of corporate disasters, including PR disasters, is impossible for American management.
  2. While certain behaviors attract dumpster fires, some aspects of their behavior remains unexplained.
  3. Dumpster Fires can fly.
  4. Dumpster Fires migrate seasonally from their Northern breeding grounds to feeding grounds in the American West, Midwest, and South.

Research continues in this very sensitive area. In fact, there have been some concerning developments in the study of dumpster fires in larger urban areas such as the Silicon Valley area of California and Washington, D.C. The observed dumpster fire population in these areas is far larger than the observed inbound migration numbers. The working theory is that dumpster fires have begun to breed in these areas, an explanation further bolstered by the observed outbound migration numbers exceeding the inbound migration by several orders of magnitude.

In the interest of scientific integrity, I must caution against drawing conclusions at this stage.

In the interest of full disclosure, I will share below some of the field sketches and notes from my studies of this elusive species.

Three executives on the roof have their meeting interrupted by three incoming pyrodumpstericus canadiens - or flying canadian dumpster fires, as they are commonly known. As one executive points to a third dumpster fire on its way, another gets up to run as the foremost falls out of his chair. Available .

A pair of Pyrodumpstericus Canadiens fly over the heartland of America during their annual migration from the great white north. Sold.

As two Pyromdumpstericus Canadiens look over a majestic northern scene, a third flies past looking for a high perch. Available .

I caught site of a larger than normal specimen and had just time enough to complete this sketch. Upon returning to the studio, I realized I'd witnessed the first specimen of a newly discovered species, Pyrodumpstericus Doublewidens. Available.

This sketch of dumpster fires shows how their metal wings unfold, allowing them to take flight. I didn't have time to capture the full background, so I made sure I could capture the essence of the action. Available.

I made this trading card sketch of a dumpster fire to bring about awareness of the species. While a bit cartoonish, I think it captures the essence of this elusive species.Available.

Another trading card image I prepared to bring about awareness. While it is a bit anthropomorphized, I like it. Available.

A network executive awakes on Christmas morning to discover a pair of dumpster fires have come to rest on his lawn. While not far off from a true story, I had to omit the key details that would reveal to whom this had happened, in the interest of privacy.Sold.

I caught this rare view of two dumpster fires resting on an overlook before descending to wreak havoc below. The one in the background flexes its wings as the closest one relaxes a bit.On loan.

On occasion, you discover something new. This was quite a pleasant discovery, as a new, larger species of dumpster fire is shown here. Called Pyrodumpstericus Elevans, it is the tallest species discovered to date. On loan.

During one of my trips to the Great White North, I encountered this scene. As a lazy dumpster fire cools itself in the clear waters, two more fly in. It is thought that dumpster fires migrate north to breed, returning to ore southerly regions seasonally.On display at the Juice Bar.

Here a lone dumpster fire pays solemn tribute to an ancient engineering disaster: the greco roman ruins. Here, due to a translation error, the Corinthian column on the left was paired with a much larger Roman column on the right, a mistake that was not discovered until installation time. Rather than explain their mistake to Rome, the builders moved the entire project half mile south, abandoning the work they started here. Sold.

Even paradise is not exempt from dumpster fires. While on vacation, one of those dating reality shows showed up, and sure enough, a dumpster fire accompanied them. I caught this view just before a conflict broke out among them. Could this be the reason for the scuffle? Who knows, and I certainly wasn't going to get involved with it during my relaxation time. Sold.

On the flight out to the cabin in a little puddle jumper, I caught this glimpse of two dumpster fires frolicking in the clouds. Sold.

To the horror of executives relaxing on the roof, two dumpster fires turn to alight on the roof as a third flies on. Sold.

Back Home